Sister invites 80-plus-year-old grandparents to a pricey destination wedding, then blames her sister for their no when they refuse to renew passports or pay $800 a night on a resort

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 9, 2026 6:00 PM EDT

Destination weddings are basically personality tests with plane tickets. They are less about love and more about who is willing to burn vacation days and savings to stand near a gazebo in humid air while two people say rehearsed lines. Romance is optional. The price tag is not

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  • Young woman smiling between an elderly couple with their arms around her, posing together on a couch in a bright living room.
    via Charday Penn

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My 32F sister 28F is having a destination wedding. Grandparents 80sMF aren’t going and I’m being blamed.

    My sister (28F) is having a destination wedding as the title says. There are a multitude of reasons I am choosing to not attend.
    via InternationalStar942
  • I do not like the person shes choosing to marry (33M), I do not like the location of the destination wedding (not listing the country but it's a warm one but never one I've ever wanted to see and I love to travel), the resort she chose is $800 a night, I have another "destination" wedding 3 months after this that I also need to go to/pay for-except the person in that wedding LIVES in the country they're being married in so it's not really "destination" per se.
    via InternationalStar942
  • When I declined the offer to go to my sisters wedding my family thought it was financials and gave me a hard time.
    via InternationalStar942
  • But truly, I can save up what is needed by the date of her wedding...I just don't want to, for the multiple reasons listed above.
    via InternationalStar942

  • In this story the math is simple and brutal. Eight hundred a night for a resort in a country no one is actually excited to see. Flights on top. Time off work. Another wedding already on the calendar. A home project waiting back home. All of that so the bride can have her moment in the sun with a groom who many people quietly think is a walking red flag. That is not a trip. That is a financial dare.  

  • I also have to pay for a home improvement project this summer. I can't justify spending $800 a day to see her get married to a guy I'm 99% sure she's going to divorce in the next 10 years anyway.
    via InternationalStar942
  • Elderly couple sitting together on a park bench, smiling and chatting while enjoying a sunny day outdoors.
    via Rusty Watson

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I also don't like vacationing with that side of my family (she's technically my step sister through my dad marrying my step mom but they've been married forever).
    via InternationalStar942
  • The other wedding I'm going to, is not going to cost me $800 a day...in fact I might spend that over the course of a week... because said friend getting married will be hosting me in her home lol.
    via InternationalStar942
  • Just so many reasons I don't want to go. Anyway, I had called my grandparents recently for a completely unrelated reason than this wedding.
    via InternationalStar942
  • And then we got to talking because I guess they were told about the wedding details and they asked if I was going, I said no and said my reasons above and they completely understood.
    via InternationalStar942
  • And to be clear my grandparents are VERY with it mentally, being in their late 80s.
    via InternationalStar942

  • The grandparents are the secret main characters here. Late eighties. Still sharp. Done their traveling. Decided years ago that passports are retired and so are long security lines. They could technically afford the resort but have zero interest in paying luxury prices to sit in the shade and pretend this is fun. They bow out like adults who know their limits. Then somehow the family group chat translates that into this is all the other sister's fault.  

  • Elderly couple sitting on a couch embracing, with the man resting his head on the woman’s shoulder in a tender moment.
    via Vlada Karpovich

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • They still live alone, exercise, drive, etc. That being said, they chose to not renew their passports like 3 or 4 years ago citing age and if something happens they want to be in our home country, plus they'd done enough traveling over the last 30 years of retirement.
    via InternationalStar942
  • This country my sister is getting married in, does require one to hold a passport for entry, and my grandparents aren't going to renew for this and like me, while they have the money for the resort, they can't justify $800 a night especially when they can't partake in many (if not all) of the all inclusive amenities anymore.
    via InternationalStar942
  • They broke the news to my step sister and now I'm being blamed because I guess originally they said they'd go.
    via InternationalStar942
  • However they told me that they never gave a definite answer and I was the first person they told no.
    via InternationalStar942
  • I did not relay that information to my sister as it wasn't my business. But all family heard was my grandparents declined and also cited I wouldn't be going.
    via InternationalStar942
  • My grandparents also don't like her choice of groom because of me. No one else tells my grandparents what is essentially, the family gossip...and I do.
    via InternationalStar942
  • Sisters fiancé treats her like trash, and when grandparents asked years ago why I didn't like him I told them
    via InternationalStar942
  • They deserved to know the type of man she was marrying was not who he presented himself as to them.
    via InternationalStar942
  • He does not physically harm her, I do want to make that clear. But emotionally, mentally, etc he is not good to her.
    via InternationalStar942
  • They also have extremely differing political views. But now, I'm being blamed. For context I was the "problem child" between the two of us but it's been a good 14 years since I was a problem.
    via InternationalStar942

  • Because of course it does. Every family has that one person who used to be the problem child and therefore gets lifetime blame perks. It does not matter that she is now stable with a degree a house and a decent partner. In the old family software she is still the bug so every glitch gets traced back to her. Grandparents not going. Cousins hesitating. Reality itself gently pushing against an 800-dollar room. Must be her influence.  

  • I grew up, I have a masters degree, own a home, have a nice partner, an extremely steady and stable job.
    via InternationalStar942
  • Sister thinks more people are going to turn down the wedding invites and her wedding will be ruined with no guests.
    via InternationalStar942
  • Our family is not rich, we are not poor by any means but many of us while we can take vacations yearly, we are not doing so by spending $800 a night at a resort.
    via InternationalStar942
  • I told her people are going to turn her down because of the price tag, not because I told them her fiancé sks (which I also don't go around telling everyone, only my grandparents because they wondered why I made snide remarks about him).
    via InternationalStar942
  • Her friends are young either with babies and/or still starting out in careers. People don't have $800 a night resort money to see 2 people get married.
    via InternationalStar942
  • If they do they want to spend that money going on a vacation they've dreamed of... not a wedding in a country that isn't exactly known to be amazing outside of resorts.
    via InternationalStar942
  • Edit to add: I am not changing my mind about going, as someone chose to DM me and try to convince me that these are "once in a lifetime moments".
    via InternationalStar942
  • I do not care, there are more reasons of me not wanting to go than just "I hate her choice in husband", that also play into this.
    via InternationalStar942
  • Even if I liked him, I still probably would not go, but would be much more sad about missing it.
    via InternationalStar942
  • How do I navigate this? Do I let them think that? Try and defend myself? TLDR: sister is having stupidly expensive destination wedding.
    via InternationalStar942

  • What is really happening though is simpler and much less dramatic. People just do not want to bankrupt themselves for a wedding in a place they do not care about with a groom they are not sold on. That is not sabotage. That is quiet honesty with a credit limit. The destination wedding industrial complex keeps pretending these events are once in a lifetime moments. For everyone else they are just very expensive weekends they never asked for.

  • I chose to not go for many reasons, grandparents not going for completely separate reasons but I am being blamed for changing their minds.
    via InternationalStar942
  • How do I smooth this over?
    via InternationalStar942
  • Piilootus People are gonna believe what they believe. In your family dynamics you are the convenient scapegoat and your grandparents can't make their own decisions. Honestly, if they can't fathom that two people in their 80s maybe aren't able or willing to travel to a destination wedding they clearly aren't the sharpest bunch.
    via InternationalStar942
  • InternationalStar942 Original Poster's Reply Yeah...they seem to think I want them to be miserable because | don't like the groom. Even if I don't like him, I love my sister. At the end of the day I still want her to have the wedding she wants even if I can't be there. I'll see pictures. I'll get her a nice gift, and I'll be here at home to celebrate when they come back. Plus someone has to stay behind and look after all the family pets
    via InternationalStar942
  • Beruthiel999 I really hate the whole concept of destination weddings that require every guest and family member to spend multiple thousands of dollars to travel to some place they might have no interest in visiting otherwise, and shaming them for not being willing to spend that much money on attending one ceremony for two people. I think "destinations" are for the HONEYMOON, where the couple goes afterward without expecting everyone they know to tag along. Weddings should happen at least near wh
    via InternationalStar942
  • NorCal-Irish You should go bc you have to and stop complaining about it. Consider it an obligation. It's not really about your reasons which yes are valid but they are trumped by the fact that it's your sister
    via InternationalStar942
  • InternationalStar942 Original Poster's Reply lol I do not "have" to do anything. I am an adult. Nor am I complaining about it. I made it clear I wasn't going, didn't bring it up until someone else did after my initial decline, and now they're mad because a 2nd party has canceled. They chose to have an expensive destination wedding which means they need to be okay with hearing the response: "no". It's extremely selfish to have a destination wedding and then get upset when people can't go. If they
    via InternationalStar942
  • throwRAmomflight I thought destination wedding was code for shaving down the invite list. You absolutely cannot demand presence of people under those circumstances.
    via InternationalStar942
  • ski-mon-ster If you choose a destination wedding you also pay for lodging. When I got married in my own town in Europe, we paid for the lodging (hotel) of our American friends who came for our wedding. They paid their own travel already! Expecting people to pay 800 for a night is ridiculous.
    via InternationalStar942
  • CaptainMS99 Tell your sister you will go to her next wedding and to please make it somewhere more reasonable $$
    via InternationalStar942
  • Medusa_7898 Let people think what they want. That trip sounds like a lot for an 80 something year old couple and it sounds very pricey for any typical couple or family and leave from work is not endless. People need to prioritize. Your family obviously needs a scapegoat to blame for their golden child's not so great decision. Let them blame. You will have the last laugh.
    via InternationalStar942
  • MermaidxGlitz if you disrupt the status quo then you have to be okay with being the villain to others. It doesn't make it right, it just comes with the territory I'm sure if this was someone you had a great relationship with, whose spouse was great, and who participated in your life in a meaningful way, you'd spend the money (or maybe you wouldn't, idk). So, I don't think the price tag is the issue per se, you just don't like them and that's okay
    via InternationalStar942
  • JustWow52 My parents are in their 80s, and travel is much more difficult for them than it used to be. They are mentally nimble, but they are to the point where they don't like to be far away from their doctors. My dad is a little more medically fragile than my mom, but people in their 80s are well aware that physical health is a day-to-day thing. Nobody in the family would. schedule a destination event with the expectation that they would be attending.
    via InternationalStar942

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family drama mother tradition siblings family feud wedding Grandpa sister fiancé grandmother
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